As I look out on the range ahead, I see my version of heaven. Wild skies painted above deep winding rivers. These rivers cut through vast, untouched valleys and high, rigid hills, drawing shapes in the depths of the earth. The sunrises and sunsets are an ever changing piece of art, worked up by God himself. Thick forests surround me, draped over the mountains like a sheet of green. The full, fluffy trees look down on me and all of the wild creatures below, giving us all safe keeping. I feel lucky to breathe air so fresh and clean. It comes in gusts, ripping through the valley. Cold and brisk as it touches the skin, leaving chills down my spine. The chill never leaves, but only gets stronger as I take in the view surrounding me. Looking at the mountains ahead brings me a peace that can only be found out in nature. Everything that the eye can see is blessed with unreal purity. I'm proud to witness a place with such beauty. It feels like places so pure don't exist like they used to. Now its rare to find a land so untamed. Not a city with in miles.
The American dream to most is an overcrowded city and a 9-5 desk job, sitting in front of a screen. Me, I prefer the real American dream, more simple and quiet. In this moment, I find my self living that dream. Riding free across untouched plains and sleeping under the stars. Unbothered and losing knowledge of "the real world" and only existing in the moment with the things that the eye can see. My eyes see a land that is untouched by mans evil hand. It reflects beauty that only God can create. It was written by him, and unchanged or polluted. It's quiet unlike a city, yet the silence out here is so loud. I could listen to this sound for the rest of my life. I can hear the wind roll over the hills and feel it in my hair. The river sings as it rushes by, and trees scream as they fall. I listen for the steps of passing critters as I rest, and for the bells on my horses at night. When I finally get to sleep I don't really dream much, because I live my dreams in the day. But, if I do find my self dreaming, it's about the land I haven't yet seen.
I think to myself often about places that have been saved from city smog, car exhaust, and loggers. Wild land is more rewarding to see than land covered in sky scrapers. It's sweet and innocent to the fresh eye, yet cruel and harsh to the experienced. You come to see that nature doesn't care about your hopes and dreams for the future, but only to survive through the night. Its a constant war between everything that roams this land, but this war is all in harmony. It's a beautiful thing to witness. You learn that you must be strong and tough to survive in these hills. There is not room for hurt feelings and no time for tears. If you hesitate you will be eaten alive. Everything can kill you. This land is ruled by wild creatures, with no laws or sympathy. Yet the land itself is more dangerous. Rocks, rivers, ice, and cold air that hunt you just as much as the animals do. They don’t fall to the rules of man, but only to the rules of god.
Nature does not wish to be governed so it remains unbothered or aware of the political mess that is America. I think the wild creatures that hide here have it best. They get to choose real freedom, over the bullshit version of freedom we live. I wish I could trade places with them, because the version of freedom I see looks back at me with judgement and hate. Back in the real world, I'm fed chemicals and drown by screens. I can never fit the unrealistic standards that i'm "supposed to". That's why I find myself longing to stay out in the hills forever, with nothing but a few good horses and a bag of food for the week. The mountain doesn't care what my body looks like or how much money I make. The wolves don't attack me for being a woman. The trees don't judge and the river doesn't lie. There's no anxiety in my brain, I leave that all back in reality. Here, is where I escape.
Riding out here is like being in a new world. A world that is real and raw. It's like being born into a new life. Yet, this life isn't easy. It takes hard work to keep. I wake up before the sun, cause when the suns up, I'll be working till it tucks behind the hills again. But, I like to watch the sunrise from my saddle. Soaking up the warmth it brings by the second. I enjoy listening to the wind hit the branches and the birds sing. It's like the earth is whispering, and welcoming in the new day. I have my breakfast after all the paniers are weighed, and drink my 3rd cup of coffee while tying my hitches. Then, back to the trail I go. I look back at my string of horses, and sigh of relief as I see that the loads are still even. Yet, I don't let my attention settle. I know that everything can go wrong in a second. Horses can step over leads, pads can slip, mules can fall down cliffs, and more. But, I still wouldn't trade this for a desk job. I would ride this trail all day with a string from hell and still sleep good at night. No matter how "hard" the work gets, there is no quitting out here. There will be times where your tired and you want to quit, but here you simply cant. There is no option to give up.
I'm about half way to the next camp and the sun is hot. I decide to take my first break of the day and tie my horses up. As I'm eating my lunch while looking over the valley, I ask myself "What makes a good packer?" and I think its the true love for the lifestyle. A passion, a reason to work hard, and nothing to tie you down. A true unbound spirit and a patient, strong soul. An appreciation for the mountains and a quick mind. The knowledge will come with the sun. You learn quickly when your string gets wrapped around a tree or your pack slides off. You can't read enough in a book to make up for experience. Then, I start to think about all of my experiences while in these hills. I realized that I have lived more life than most people ever will, just in this moment. I feel so lucky. So, I get back in the saddle and back to work.
Finally at camp, the work is still not over. There's horses that need untacked and loads to unpack. Tents to put up, wood to be cut, hobbles to be made. When its all done, then I can retire to my tent. It smells of mucky boots, leather chaps, and muddy jeans. Somtimes I just prefer the stars and fresh air, with my saddle as a pillow and a panier for a blanket. As the night settles in, so does the stillness and the silence. The sun retires to the hills and the sky above the valley fills with beautiful, saturated colors. I could look at the painted sky above this peak forever. I look at this scene as I lay in the thick grass, and finally feel real freedom. This is what I have been craving my whole life. This is where I find god. When I see a sky so bright, I know that I am right where I am meant to be. The world is always speaking to us. It provides us with everything we need, exactly when we need it. It brings us signs. But first, we must prove that we deserve its beauty. So we must find peace in the silence and the stillness, and you will hear the wind whisper. I go where it tells me, and let it take me where it pleases. It tells me when to run and when to fight. I always listen carefully.
Others tend to say that this is not a sustainable lifestyle, but they just don’t understand. We don’t need million dollar houses and shiny cars to be happy. Success isn’t based on a paycheck or measured by a degree. The most sustainable lifestyle is a one full of joy. I find joy in every second of the life I choose. Yes, it gets hard and its not always perfect. No ones life is perfect and that's how it should be. People say that life isn't fair, but I think it is. We are all given our cards, have to learn to deal with them, and make a strategy. We all make mistakes and have our hardships. What makes that fair, is that we all have a chance to choose the next path. It's not about where you came from its about where you go next. It's what we make of our mistakes that make us who we are. The world brings us each sign and each moment for a reason. We must learn to listen. Take it or leave it, this is the key to life. Have faith in the path you choose and believe in it whole heartedly because there is no turning back on these trails. It saddens me to see that some look at their cards and give up on the game. These are the ones that can only find happiness in material items over real experiences and feelings. These are always the people that ask, “Do you never want to build a life or a home?” But a cowboy doesn’t have a “home”. Home is where you make it, so I choose a bed under the stars, tucked deep in the mountains. My job is to care for the heard, and I’ve never been paid better. And I will never “build myself a life”. I already have one, and I will enjoy the one I’m living and work hard to keep it. So you can find me out in these rigid hills and untouched valleys, until my time is up.
